Some of you are going to find this blog post really “out there!” It is a form of prayer I have been trained in. I have seen amazing results.
We make decisions in our hearts. We make decisions through filters. We make decisions through filters of past experiences. We can choose to not look at past experiences, but if we don’t, the filter…remains.
I have a woman removing some “filters” through our “Where were you Daddy?” program. Recently, she said nothing ever seems to be good enough and lamented about her husband commenting on the chicken she had cooked the previous day. “I like it a little crispier,” he said. Her response to him was not a compassionate one, and inside she was seething. “Why do I bother?” she said, clearly ticked.
“Can you close your eyes for a moment? What are the feelings you have inside your heart after hearing your husband’s comment?”
“I feel enraged, disappointed in him, disbelief, and frustrated.”
“Is there disappointment in yourself?” I asked.
“No, it’s definitely disappointment in him.”
Knowing that our feelings typically connect to past experiences, I asked if we could pray about what had happened. She has always been amazed as to what has been revealed as we have done this in the past, but this time, she said, “Melony, there is nothing here. I was just ticked that my husband made that comment.” I asked her if we could explore it for a few brief moments, then suggested she take three deep breaths before we start. “Fine,” she sighed as she replied.
As the third deep breath escaped her lips, tears started streaming through her closed eyes. I wasn’t expecting a response so quickly. “Is it a feeling or a memory?” I asked. “It’s a memory,” she moaned.
“It happened when I was young. We had moved into the city. We had a little dog. He was so cute. I loved him so much. But my dad didn’t like any animals being in the house and thought dogs belonged outside. Someone let the dog in.” She closed her eyes again as her head lowered. Sobs started coming from a deep, deep place.
It was hard to watch her in this much pain. “How bad can this be?” I thought to myself.
“The dog had made a mess on the floor. My dad found it. He overreacted and became enraged. I was in the other room and could hear the dog crying as my dad continued to beat him. After a few minutes, I couldn’t hear him anymore. Melony, I heard him die! He didn’t deserve that. He was so vulnerable…so little…he had no chance…”
“My dad killed him. He killed the dog…”
She could not see my response. My eyes closed as my mind envisioned the scene. My eyes watered as I tried to hold back my own tears.
The tears continued as she tried to catch her breath. “Then Dad put him in a plastic bag and put him in the garbage outside…”
After a few minutes, we prayed about what her feelings were as the event took place. “I felt angry, sad, disappointed in him, and disbelief.
“And what decisions did you heart make that day?”
“I will say as little as possible. I will stay away from my father. I will not make eye contact. I will never fly off the handle. I will be in control of my feelings. I will suppress my feelings.”
Events happen in our lives. Then we make decisions in our hearts from those events that permeate the rest of our lives unless we deal with them and cut them off. And as soon as we say, “I will never”…guess what happens? The reverse…it’s exactly what we become.
“Oh my God!” she lamented as she realized she had become just like her father. She had never killed anything, but she realized she was constantly seething, and then flying off the handle.
There was one more thing that I wanted to explore before we started “cutting off” the decisions she had made… It was the way she said “someone let the dog in.”
“Let’s pray a little further,” I said.
Yes…she had let the dog in…
“What are the feelings?” I asked as her heart melted.
“I feel remorse, disbelief, anger, and disappointment in myself.” She sighed repeatedly as the pain and tears spilled out. “And I’m enraged.”
“And what decisions did your heart make that day?”
“Something’s going to happen to me. I’m going to get caught. He will notice. It’s my fault. Why do I bother.”
Later, she cut off the decisions and vows she had made that traumatic day. And she forgave her father…
But there was one more aha moment… She realized she had subconsciously made the chicken not as crispy as her husband liked it… He noticed.